Are you a pathetic son of a bit@h who knows what the right thing to do is for your health and general wellness but can’t bring yourself to do it?
YOU: Here we go, stay-at-home Dad had some deep thoughts and now this charlatan is going to push his psycho-babble into my face. How do I get out of here, let’s go to Zappos.com and see if I can find some slippers that don’t make my feet sweat aallggghghghghghghg (banging self in head with hammer).
I’m not some self-help guru wannabe trying to get you to live your Best Life or whatever (no disrespect to Oprah, I worked for her at one point and admire her). I am an imperfect messenger for any self-improvement technique. I’ve spent more time doing the wrong things than the right ones and have been woefully ignorant about which habits are healthy and which are not. I tend to over-eat, over-drink, fall into periods of sloth and do the easy things that feel momentarily good instead of the hard things that lead to happier and healthier long-term outcomes. Sound familiar?
If not, kindly go fu@k yourself. You’re more disciplined than me and that makes you boring and an a$$hole.
For the rest of us sad-sack human beings, sometimes we need a kick in the di@k to get back on track. We all fall off the wagon. Too often people carry guilt about the features of their human nature, which hinders the ability to muster the positive energy needed to try to do better. I try to preach the same mantra to myself that I do to my kids: I don’t expect you to be perfect, but I do expect you to do better.
The things I’m going to write about in these Just Try It, Dumbass posts are things that have worked for me. Maybe it won’t work for you but, then again, maybe it will. Think of this as a word-of-mouth recommendation from a Dad you just met at the school bake sale who seems normal but probably takes too much edible weed and then baby talks to his plants.
Part 1: Meditation.
YOU: Oh fu@k, I already know about meditation, all that build up for THIS bbblllllllblllllll (drooling all over bib)?
I bet you actually don’t know sh!t about meditation. You think it’s sitting criss cross applesauce on a mountaintop wearing a burlap sack with some dipsh!t playing a lute behind you.
Meditation is the effort applied to sustaining intentional focus (go here for more information on what meditation is and isn’t). Put another way, it’s lifting weights for your brain.
You can meditate anywhere for however long you want. Go down in the Man Cave, get your pants around your ankles, and focusing on breathing while ass-out on your off-brand Lay-Z-Boi. Not very original, but okay.
You should know: meditation is not the pursuit of thoughtless inner peace. Your brain will be active, will wander, will have thoughts. That’s what it’s supposed to do.
YOU: That sounds fu@king weird. Why should I do this crap?
There are several scientifically proven health benefits to meditation. Read about them if you’re interested. I’ve personally noticed the following when I’m meditating regularly:
- Increased ability to sustain attention on tasks
- Feel less irritable and more patient
- Feel less stressed
- Think clearer
- Sleep better
- Fu@k harder*
YOU: Fine, I’ll try it once. What the hell do I do?
- Start here.
- If you think you want something else, take a look around, there are a lot of meditation resources out there to help you. Many of them are free.
- I like the Calm app for the various functionality, from guided meditations to background work music to stuff for kids. You can try it out for free.
- If you want to read a very accessible book about it, I recommend 10% Happier by Dan Harris. He started his meditation journey after having an on-air panic attack while delivering the news to millions of viewers.
- Personally, I’ve gone through Transcendental Meditation training (it was provided as a benefit to all the Harpo employees when I worked there. Did I mention I used to work for Oprah?). It’s a bit pricey but a great meditation technique that really works for me.
Take the leap. Give yourself 15 minutes to find a technique that speaks to you and meditate for 5 minutes.
Just try it, dumb@ss.
-MG
*Fine, not true. Try it anyway.
